Well, ya’ll, it’s time for some turkey.

If you’re American, and choose to celebrate this gluttonous holiday, then Happy Thanksgiving.

I know, the world can sometimes seem like a never-ending dumpster fire, but at least we can take solace in a few hours of binging yams and bread rolls.

If you’re vegetarian or vegan (or any permutation therein), good luck with your tofurkey situation.

Most importantly, if you’re a writer, I know that this time of year is stressful. Namely because your family is going to ask “so, how’s that writing career going.” Now, if you live in or around your parent’s house, this may cause you year-round stress. But if you’re like me, living across the country, I have some quick tips on how to survive.

  • Say you just finished a project, but it’s too fresh to report on

  • Say you quit writing and got a job as a banker, but it’s a small local bank and they probably haven’t heard of it

  • Say you’ve become a farmer, the backbone of our economy*

  • Say you’ve become an international bestseller, but only in Kroplanovia, a former-current Soviet Republik that sadly has no online presence.

  • Say you’ve given up writing and decided to become a lawyer, just as they always wanted, but you’re stuck deciding between two schools and don’t want to jinx anything just yet so maybe we could change the subject

With any luck, the tryptophan** will kick in shortly after and you can watch some Netflix while your parents and relatives doze peacefully on the couch.

Holidays are stressful times, so be careful, take your medication, and get a little exercise.

And always be write!

*We all know that’s not accurate, right? Farmers do represent an important part of our economy, but the idealized version of the farmer died out like 100 years ago.

**This is also a misconception. You’d have to OD on tryptophan to get this effect. The reason you’re sleeping on TG is because you ate too much fucking food.